


Knockout

by momjeansenthusiast



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boxing, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst with a Happy Ending, Doctor/Patient, Dominant Kylo Ren, Eventual Smut, F/M, Finn is your roomate, I Don't Even Know, Inspired by Fight Club, Light Angst, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Parents Han and Leia, Protective Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:47:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23677876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momjeansenthusiast/pseuds/momjeansenthusiast
Summary: Boxer!Kylo Ren x Doctor!Reader- Modern AUYou are finishing up your last year of residency at The Amylin Holdo Teaching Hospital and Emergency Room, excited to feel like a 'real' doctor, but there is one specific patient you can't get out of your head. Kylo Ren. As much as you try to escape your feelings, you can't. But as it turns out, falling for Kylo Ren isn't the dangerous part, staying with him is.*Will update tags and summery as I go!*
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren & Reader, Ben Solo/You, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 41
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter One

Chapter One 

“Alright Jayden, so good news is it’s not broken, just sprained, but come back and see me if it still hurts in one week,” you said, handing him a bright blue lollipop. Once you escorted the boy and his undoubtedly exhausted mother to the check out desk, you finally glanced at your watch. 3:18 AM. You groaned internally. 

_ Three more hours _ , you thought. What's three more hours? After all, you’d already finished the other 21. Had someone warned you how arduous 24-hour shifts were, you may have reconsidered the medical profession. 

Adjusting your woefully wrinkly scrubs, you made your way over to the nurses station, ready to pick up your next patient. In the ER, it was always one patient out the door, two more in.  _ Especially _ on overnight weekend shifts. You received a plethora of falls, cases of alcohol poisoning, or battle wounds from bar fights. Upon picking up the next patient log and seeing the name, you turned to the nurse on staff, Simon, and began to fuss at him. 

“Siiimoooonnn,” you whined, glaring at his smirking face, highlighted by the glint of mischief in his obsidian eyes, “Why did you give me Ren? He’s  _ so _ annoying. Can’t I just have one of the drunk kids outside?” You gesture wildly at the door leading to the waiting room. Simon let out a high-pitched laugh, loud enough that you were sure some of the coma patients were awake. 

“Y/N. Girl. No, fair is fair. Margot dealt with the foot fungus earlier so you get Ren.” The ER had regulars of course, hypochondriacs, klutzes, and the like, but no one was in as much as Kylo Ren. 

“But... Ugh!” You stamped your foot, begrudgingly grabbed the clipboard and went to your assigned room, AD-069. Although, you hated to admit it, you had to stop yourself from giggling like a teenage boy, because of-fucking-course Simon would put you in room 69. With Kylo Ren of all patients.

Kylo was a regular at the Amylin Holdo Teaching Hospital and Emergency Room, coming in almost every other day with a new bruise, broken bone, or cut that needed mending. You vaguely remember at some point he mentioned that he was a boxer but even that didn’t explain away the degree to which he was always injured. However, it wasn’t his frequent appearances or types of injuries that made you dread whenever his name came across your clipboard. It was his incessant flirting and cocky attitude. This man acted like his dick was made of gold, and he was a gift from the gods to grace the world with his presence.

To make matters worse, when Simon wasn’t flirting with him, which always caused a slight blush to creep up on Kylo’s pale cheeks, Simon was trying to create amorous situations for whenever you treated him. Simon had some deluded idea that you had a crush on Mr. “Hey- Dollface-you-da-doc?”

_ As if _ .

It wasn’t as if Ren was  _ ugly _ , in fact, you thought he was really attractive the first time you saw him. Long black hair pulled up partially in a bun, no shirt, slouchy black basketball shorts that rode dangerously low on his hips, a splash of freckles, a cut in his plushy lips…. But no. It wasn’t as if you  _ liked  _ Ren. Not in any meaningful way at least. 

In spite of the fact that he was surely the most infuriating man to have ever walked the planet, you hated to admit he was kind of okay—at times—and definitely not the  _ worst _ patient you could’ve been assigned. In fact, he became much more bearable after you conveniently “forgot” to anesthetize his arm when you gave him stitches. In your defense, he was being extra dickish that day and you had already been vomited on. You weren’t having it. Since then, you’ve both had a mutual understanding. 

You took a deep breath and prepared yourself to enter his room. 

_ It's fine. You’re  _ _ fine. _ _ He’s just like any other patient.  _

You walked into the room, head held high. You were too tired for any of his bullshit. Just treat him and go. “Hey, Doc,” he greeted, his philly accent thick like molasses, eyes boring holes into your face. Suddenly feeling so shy that you couldn’t make eye contact, so you just sat in your stool and began to look over his chart. 

“Oh stars, Ren, what in the  _ hell _ happened to you?” You stared, his list of injuries more extensive than normal, “Fractured rib, three broken knuckles, and that nasty contusion on your face. Who’d you piss off? The mafia? You keep coming in like this, you’re gonna drain us of all our bandage wrap inventory.” You chuckled to yourself a little. Who did he think he was?  _ Rocky Balboa? _

The deep purple welt on his cheek did nothing to stop his smirk. “Jesus, Doc, it’s called a bruise. Just say bruise. Contusion makes you sound like a smart-ass. How ‘bout we forget the wrap and you just kiss it better?” He winked.

You stood to gather your supplies to bandage his wrist, “Oh, shush! And my ass is very smart thank you very much.” 

_ Shit. _

You realized you’d just basically given him  _ permission _ to check out your ass. Tensing up, you waited for a teasing comment that never came. When you turned around, Kylo was just staring at you. His expression unreadable, save for the smirk that was still deep set in his cheek. Ren’s sudden fixation on your body made you feel exposed. The harsh fluorescent light made his cheek look even worse. Not thinking, you reached your hand up and tenderly touched his cheek, still warm from impact. He hissed when you accidentally put too much pressure, grabbing your wrist with his large, not broken hand. His honey brown eyes bored into your skull, staring you down, but not in an intimidating, menacing way. This was… different. You cleared your throat and looked away, desperate to escape the eye contact he locked you in. 

You grabbed the bandage wrap and disinfectant and made your way over to him. As you tended the scrapes on his fists, you started talking to him to ease the silence. “You know, Kylo, you gotta be more careful. You keep comin’ in like this, you may need more than just a hand wrap or a splint.” Your gentle hands went to work, disinfecting his trying to hold it still when he winced at the alcohol. 

“Oh c’mon, Doc, you know you love to see me in here. Bet it makes your whole night.” His smirk deepened. How someone with _ that many _ external injuries was a chipper as he was… was beyond you. However, you could’ve sworn you saw something flash in his eyes.  _ Pain? _

“First, Kylo, you know my name, so just call me Y/N, please,” you said, smiling softly at him, “and secondly, no, I _don’t_ _want_ to see you. Not here. The goal of an ER doctor isn’t to see the same beat up guy almost every day.” You chuckled, finishing up his bandages, wishing you could do more about the mark on his face. You quickly scribbled a prescription for some pain killers to ease the agony you were sure he was in. 

He smiled, a _full_ _smile,_ and grabbed his things. “So, you wanna see me outside the hospital… I can make that work.” 

“N-No. Kylo. That’s not what I meant! It would be  _ highly  _ unethical for me to -”

“Shh, Doc. It’s okay. Thanks for fixing me up… again. See you in a few days. ” His tone unusually earnest but still full of humor. 

Your eyes followed him as he swaggered out the door, clocking the slight limp he still had from his broken toe two weeks ago. Ren stopped by the nurses station, and briefly talked to Simon who must have said something flirty because the tell-tale blush was on Kylo's cheeks (well, cheek, as the other side of his face was hidden by a massive bruise) and Simon slipped him a piece of paper.

“Remember to ice the face!” you called out after him, not hearing whatever he grumbled as he made his way to the check out desk, not needing any guidance. He knew almost the entire ER staff by name. You walked to Simon’s desk, to pick up another patient file, but none sat under your name. Puzzled, you looked up at Simon.

“Hey Si, where’s my next file? Don't tell me you’re slacking.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Y/N, you know I’m the reason this place still functions”, Simon teased.

“I know, I know,” you conceded, “but really where’s the patient file”

Rolling his eyes, Simon explained that by some miracle the ER didn’t have any new patients, and you could take a break and that he’ll page you if he needs you. Before he could change his mind, you rushed off to the bunks, finally tucking in for a much needed nap.

You fell asleep almost seconds after your head made contact with the brick-like communal pillow. As you napped away the remainder of your shift, much to your chagrin, your dreams were filled with honey eyes and dark hair. 

_ Oh no.  _


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “My fighter,” You whispered  
> His large hand spread out to cup your face, his eyes meeting yours.  
> “My doctor,” he said, leaning down.  
> His lips millimeters from yours, his warm breath fanning your face. His mouth opened and -  
> BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Shaky hands slid your key into the lock, desperately trying to get inside without spilling the groceries piled high in your arms. You had run to the store after your shift ended grabbing essentials for you and your roommate, Finn. You had met him by answering his ad looking for a roommate, and you’ve practically been best friends since. 

“Honey, I’m home!” You called, sarcastically, honoring your tradition whenever either of you got home. 

Once inside, you heard rustling in Finn’s room, and then you were suddenly greeted by his shirtless body. He had clearly just woken up, his muscles accentuated by the dim light of your kitchen; gray sweats covered his lower half. You exchanged pleasantries, eventually falling into a comfortable silence as you put the groceries away. When you finished, you gave Finn a quick hug, wrapping your arms around his middle. His warm brown skin spread a sort of calmness all over your body. The Stress of your shift at the hospital began melting away. Finn wasn’t super tall, so you reached up, patted his cropped afro hair, and announced you were going to go to bed. Despite your nap at work, you were so exhausted that you were sure you could sleep for a week. 

Your bedroom called to you, beckoning you inside. The room was small but you had filled it nearly wall-to-wall with various knickknacks, plants, and decorations. You liked your space to feel full, feel like you. Peeling off your old blue scrubs, leaving them in a pile at your feet, you grabbed one of Finn’s old shirts. Looking down, the heather gray shirt had various holes scattered and a faded logo for Finn’s old boxing gym that was barely legible. _The Finalizer: Gym and Boxing Club_. The shirt wasn’t super long, so you could still see the lace of your panties peeking out from the bottom. 

You dragged yourself to the sink in your bathroom, washing the day’s sweat off your skin. You took a moment, examining your face, critically poking and prodding at the marks that were sprinkled across your cheeks. With a sigh, you put on moisturizer, got your hair ready, and trudged back into your bedroom. You pulled back your quilt and duvet, gingerly climbing in bed, suddenly becoming very aware of how drained your body was. You tossed your phone aside after setting your alarm. Thankfully sleep came quickly again, like at work. Unfortunately, sleep also brought more dreams of Kylo Ren. 

_You were somewhere unfamiliar, but you immediately recognized it as home. Not your apartment with Finn, though. You were in a small cottage in the woods; the beginnings of sunlight streaming through the windows. The high-pitched sound of a baby crying startled you, so you went to investigate._

_“Shh, Annie, it’s okay. Momma’s here” you heard your own voice coo. It was like you weren’t in control of your body, watching the world through your own eyes like a movie. You reached down, picking up the small child, she couldn't be older than ten months. You held her close to your chest, her white dress bunching up, the small golden star accent’s catching the light of the rising sun outside her window._

_Humming to her softly, you bounced gently by shifting your weight from one foot to the other. Large, warm, pale arms wrapped around your shoulders and you nuzzled your head into it. You weren’t sure who the large man behind you was but somehow you knew you were safe. Loved._

_“What are my girls up to?” The voice hummed, the low baritone reverberating in your chest. The voice was familiar, but his warm embrace was too comforting for you to care._

_“Oh nothing, we’re just hanging out, watching the sunrise,” you murmured, your daughter beginning to squirm in your arms._

_“You wanna see daddy?” The small raven-haired child began to nod emphatically, babbling “da da da da da” and reaching behind you._

_Turning around, your brain froze._

_Kylo._

_You stared wide-eyed at the scene before you, Kylo Ren holding your daughter. The child you had together. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing. However, you still were just a passenger in your own dream, so you couldn't do anything. Just watch._

_You felt yourself, grabbing Kylo’s hand, bringing it to your lips, and kissing it gently. You took note of the healed scars, pressing chaste kisses on them._

_“My fighter,” You whispered_

_His large hand spread out to cup your face, his eyes meeting yours._

_“My doctor,” he said, leaning down._

_His lips millimeters from yours, his warm breath fanning your face. His mouth opened and -_

**_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_ **

_What the fuck?_

**_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_ **

Your eyes shot open, your hand instinctively beating the sheets to find your phone and turn off the deafening alarm that ruined your sleep. It was dark outside but you weren't sure what time it was. You sat up in bed, silent for a moment, mind blank. 

_“What in the actual shit was that?” You_ thought, hands rubbing the sleep from your eyes, wishing it could rub the dream from your mind. You checked your phone, clearing the

**Simon** 10:17 AM

Gurl ok, ik ur probably sleeping but omh you nev…

 **Simon** 10:38 AM.

So ur def sleeping but omg, so then MARGOT said…  
 **Snapchat** 10:57 AM

 ****From Finnnnnnnnn-2187

 **Margot** 11:04 AM  
 **  
** Sorry about Simon, he’s so silly sometimes 

**1 (410) 200-653** 12:10 PM

1 of 2 CANVAS notifications… 

**Work QTZ: Margot** 2:46 PM

Is everyone free for brunch this weekend?

 **Work QTZ: Simon** 2:47 PM.

YES! YES! 

**Unknown** 4:32 PM

hey there doc

You stared at the last text. You didn’t recognize the number, but you only knew _one_ person who calls you ‘Doc’, but how would he have gotten your number? You shoved the thought of the unknown number text out of your mind, you responded to Margot and Simon, confirming brunch. 

You got out of bed, stretching your still tired muscles. Padding out to the kitchen to make some dinner, you saw Finn on the couch, watching reruns of some sitcom. 

“For heaven's sake Y/N! Where are your pants? What if I had someone over?” Finn said, playfully shielding his eyes from your naked legs with a pillow. You laughed and grabbed two slices of leftover pizza. You moved to the living room, gently nudging Finn’s leg with your foot, signaling him to scoot over. 

“Finny, you’re like my brother, I don’t give a fuck if you see my ass. Plus, Rosie and Poe are over often enough it’s a wonder that I haven’t flashed them yet.”

“Whatever kiddo.” 

Finn wrapped his strong arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him. You just stared at his face as you chewed your pizza, deep in thought. 

“Hey, so um, quick question… What does it mean if you dream about someone?”

“What?” he said, pausing the TV. 

“Like,” you readjusted, turning to face him, “what if I’ve dreamt about someone twice in one day? Like… _Romancy_ dreams….”

“Huh… well. I don’t know, but my boss always says that ‘”If there's a choice between companionship and anything else — especially career — choose companionship.’, so take that as you will. He picked up your second slice of pizza, stealing a big bite. 

“Oh? Which one?” You moved your plate away from him, shooting him a glare for taking your food. 

“Leia,” he laughed, “Mr. Solo isn’t a “feelings” kinda guy. He’s more ‘I build stuff with wood; shut up’ you know?” 

“Ah.” You said, letting the conversation die, un-pausing the TV, snuggling into Finn again. Just as you began to doze off again, Finn poked your bare thigh. 

“Who was it? Anyone I know?” His eyebrows wiggle suggestively. 

“Oh... Um. No one important, just someone from work,” you fibbed, feeling guilty for lying but not wanting to confess dreaming about a patient. _Specifically that patient_.

You sighed, sinking into the couch, the exhaustion of the day weighing you down. The rest of the night was spent in peace, uneventful in the best way. You watched the reruns, Finn ranted about some guy named “Ben” from his gym, and then turned on your favorite movie, The Princess Bride. You fell asleep just as Inigo was confronting the man with six fingers, the mumbled quotes dying on your lips as you slipped from consciousness. 

  
  


Over the next few months, you slipped into a routine of sorts, forcing yourself to forget about the man who starred in your dreams, to no avail. As time went on, you’d begun to dream about him almost daily. The text from the unknown number sat unread on your phone, a bright red bubble taunting you next to your messages app. He was a great distraction from the stress of the end of your residency, but you’d never admit it to him. 

In addition to his recurring presence in your dreams, you noticed Kylo coming into the ER more frequently for less serious injuries. Sometimes he came in more than once in a day. Thanks to Simon’s unyielding meddling in your “love life”, without a doubt you were _always_ assigned to him. The last time he was there, all he came in was for a headache. He was hungover. You tried to remind him that the ER was for _emergencies_ only, as the name implied, but he was having none of it. Even so, you relished the time you spent with Kylo. He made you feel alive. He made you laugh. Made you blush when he stared at you a fraction of a second too long. 

Because he started to come in so frequently, he began to learn your schedule, even dropping off lunch for you a few times. The last time he’d brought you lunch, you suggested eating together, and you could’ve sworn you saw this man’s eyes bulge out of his head. 

“Ye-Yeah. Yes. Sure,” he stuttered out, all traces of his confident demeanor long gone. After that, daily lunches became the norm too. To the outside world, you must've looked like a couple. But that wasn’t possible, he was just being himself. _He probably flirts with everyone,_ you thought one day after he left, your cheeks still warm. 

Unfortunately, the more time you spend with Ren, the more you actually _wanted_ to see him. Talk to him. Be near him. This made it all the more difficult to ignore your budding feelings. Talking to him now in the hospital, your nightly visits to him -although dreams- ignited an unending swarm of butterflies in your gut. Even just _thinking_ of him caused your body to hum with electricity. Because you’d gotten used to seeing him _so_ often, when he didn’t come in for weeks, your mood began to sour. At first, you were worried he actually took your advice, and stopped coming for non-emergencies, but when he’d gone two weeks without so much as a text or a visit, you began to really worry. 

“I mean, what if he’s dead Si? Or worse...what if he moved or something?” ‘ _Or what if he doesn’t want to see me’_ You didn’t say the last part aloud. It was all too much. You sat next to Margot in the hospital cafeteria, Simon glaring at you playfully from across the table. 

“Don’t worry Y/N, I’m sure your boyfriend is fine.”

A deep flush burned your cheeks, spreading up from your chest.“What!? He's not my-We aren’t-” 

Margot stopped you. “Child, please, My three-year-old grand baby can lie better than that.” She reached plump, tan hand over to yours, her tight, dark curls falling out of her bun secured on the top of her head. Margot was the closest thing to you had to a maternal figure; every time she talked to you this way, her thick Dominican Republican accent began to slip out. Your biological mother was nothing more than a memory, and all of your subsequent step-mothers gave the one from Cinderella a run for her money. 

“You _care_ about this boy, don’t you?”

You sat silently, not wanting to meet her eyes. You haven't admitted it to yourself yet, postponing the inevitable. You had always thought of yourself as a professional, definitely not the kind of woman to fall for a patient, much less an asshole, who was too sure of himself. Someone like Klyo.

“ _Don’t you_?” she asked again, tipping your chin up to match your gaze. 

“I… He’s a patient. It’s _wrong_.” Simon and Margot just stared at you. They caught you. 

“And…” you continued, “even _if_ I did, it wouldn't matter. He hasn’t been here in weeks; I haven’t heard anything from him...” You hesitated, “He probably just doesn't want to see me. Got bored of me, I guess.”

Simon and Margot went into a full-blown lecture about “the heart wants what it wants” and “if it’s meant to be, it will be”, but you tuned them out. Your eyes trained on the table, the grain of wood suddenly interesting. After you finished eating, you still had spare time before your break was over, so you went to the bunks to have a quick nap before you returned to the world of vomiting and concussions. This time, just like before, you fell asleep quickly and dreamed of Kylo. 

This time, you and Kylo were walking in a field, holding hands. Small murmurs flowed out of his lips, soft declarations of love floating in the air. The air was warm, cicadas singing. 

Paradise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhh! Hi all! Thank you for such a great respinse to my first chpater! This is all still so new but I hope you enjoy this chapter! I love a good dream sequence! PS: nCh.3 will be up soon ;)


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING* some minor depiction's of violence/blood! If you're uncomfortable check the notes for a summery! 
> 
> Stepping out of the old maroon toyota, you turned to your phone, about to call Kylo. Right as you were about to hit the call button you heard a guttural groan, deep. You followed the sound, hoping your intuition was right. As you rounded the southwest corner of the large, square building, the sight before you nearly ripped a whole in your chest. 
> 
> Kylo was propped up against the green dumpster in the ally, clothes in shambles. His hands were stained red, long black hair sticking to his forehead and neck. That isn’t what troubled you however. It was the large gash that lined his angular face, dripping in a deep crimson. The smell of blood, sweat, and filth stang your nose.

Chapter Three

The buzzing of your phone woke you from your peaceful sleep. You checked the caller-ID,  **‘Unknown'** lighting up the dark space around you. You debated ignoring the call, wanting to steal the last 5 minutes of your mid-shift break. However, the racing of your heart got the best of you, pressing the green button. 

“Hello?” Your groggy voice revealing your nap. 

“Y/N!” A hushed voice whispered, hardly audible. 

“Kylo?”

“Y/N. I need you to listen. I’m hurt, and I can’t come in-”

“What?!” You screeched, “The  _ fuck  _ do you mean you ‘can’t come in’?”

“Y/N… Doc. Y-You gotta listen.  _ Please. _ ”

Deep breaths huffed in and out of your lungs, trying to calm the anxiety in your chest. “Okay… what’s going on?”

“I was in a fight, no I mean, I was in a match. The other guy lost, and he took it really hard. He came out to try and pick a fight, but I didn’t see the knife in his hand. He got me pretty good, Doc.” His voice trembled. Shockwaves of anguish lapped at your heart. His accent was thicker than normal. He almost sounded like he was crying, voice breaking every few words.

“Fine,” you resolved, your ‘ _ Do no harm _ ’ oath ringing in your mind, “Where are you?”

  
  
  


The drive to the warehouse in West Philly made you nervous. You fidgeted with the zipper on your emergency medical bag. You felt bad for lying to Simon and Margot about where you were going (and why), but you suspected that it was safer for  _ anyone _ to not be there. 

Stepping out of the old maroon toyota, you turned to your phone, about to call Kylo. Right as you were about to hit the call button you heard a guttural groan, deep. You followed the sound, hoping your intuition was right. As you rounded the southwest corner of the large, square building, the sight before you nearly ripped a whole in your chest. 

Kylo was propped up against the green dumpster in the ally, clothes in shambles. His hands were stained red, long black hair sticking to his forehead and neck. That isn’t what troubled you however. It was the large gash that lined his angular face, dripping in a deep crimson. The smell of blood, sweat, and filth stang your nose. A lump lodged itself in your throat. 

“What… nevermind. Just... can you move?” Worry thickly coating your voice. 

“Um, yeah, let me-ARGHHHH!” Kylo screamed, shattering your heart in two. “No… actually. I don’t think I can.” His voice was strained. 

“Okay.. Okay…” Your thoughts raced, desperately searching for a solution. “I’m gonna need you to hold  _ very still _ . Can you do that?” Your mind began to settle, tuning out the outside world. All focus on cleaning and closing his wounds. Saving him. 

“Not without screaming,” he said sheepishly. If his face hadn’t been so gory, you could’ve sworn he was blushing. 

“Shit.” You looked around the alley, finding nothing you could use to help sooth his howls. Resigning yourself, you removed your jacket and then peeled your top off your body, using the scissors in your kit to rip off half of the shirt. You knelt down. Rolling the shirt up, you thrust the top to his face. 

“Bite.” you ordered. Your voice was clear, commanding. He looked up, hesitating for only a moment, before biting the scrap of fabric in his jaw, steeling himself. 

“This is gonna hurt.”

You poured the alcohol on his cheek, high pitched wails emanating from his chest. Wetness coated his face, a mixture of alcohol, blood, and tears. His large hand gripped your arm in a vice, squeezing you so hard you were sure to have a palm shaped bruise tomorrow. You didn’t mind. You were too engrossed in helping him. Once the worst was over -the disinfecting- you began to dab at the excess blood on his cheekbone. Faint touches brushed over his skin, you gently stroked his head. You hushed the loush shutters that rattled out of him, even through the makeshift gag. Had this been any other circumstance, you would’ve chastised yourself for being so close to him, especially without your top. 

When Kylo was finally still enough, you began to stitch his cheek together. Muttering under your breath about how nasty the ally was, and how his face was gonna be fucked. He gingerly removed your shirt from his mouth. You glanced down at your torso, only clad in an all too worn out bra. You cursed yourself for not taking up Simon’s offer to get lingerie. 

“Oh please Doc,” he murmured, the unwavering cocky tone returning to his voice, “You know you love my face regardless.” He winced as he winked, but his eyes still glanced down to your breasts. You rolled your eyes, the adrenaline rush beginning to subside. You weren’t sure but you could've sworn he mumbled the word  _ cookies _ , but it could have just been the stress making you hear things. 

You began to laugh bitterly. You didn’t know you were crying until his hand brushed away the salty trickles under your eyes. You both took a moment, the realness of the situation setting in. Remembering your nakedness, you slipped your jacket back on, sipping it all the way up to your chin. You helped him up, acting as a crutch for his limping body, walking the two of you to his car. It wasn’t what you were expecting, some shiny red european thing. Instead, a small, black, coup sat alone in the lot. 

“Keys.” You demanded, your arm stretched out. 

“Oh don’t be ridiculous, Y/N. I’m  _ fine.” _

“No. You're not. You called me to come help you.  _ So I Am, _ ” voice stern, “Keys, Kylo.  _ Now _ .”

Not having the energy to argue, Kylo handed you the keys, shuffling over to the passenger seat. Climbing in, you adjusted the seat, making sure he was buckled. 

“O...kay Kylo. Where to? Home?” You ran your hands up and down the steering wheel, very aware of just how  _ alone _ and close to him you were. You could almost  _ feel _ the electricity crackle between your bodies. 

“NO!” He hollered, hand gripping the seat. His sudden change in tone startled you. Your wide, afraid eyes met his weary gaze. “I don’t want to be alone right now…” He explained lowly. 

“They might be waiting there too. It’s not safe there.” You weren’t going to risk his pride any further by bothering him with questions at this point in time. 

“Okay, so, where do you want me to take you?” You felt the grips of panic beginning to rise up your back.

“I don’t know… just drive!” He was agitated, holding on to the dash so tightly his knuckles pulled white over his skin. 

You drove around in circles for almost an hour, and you found yourself getting close to your apartment. You looked over at Kylo, still so on edge. Your heart sank, feeling so sad for him. With a sigh, you argued with yourself. The morally upright voice in your head won you over. 

“Okay, well I’ll just take you to my apartment,” you released a breath you didn’t know you had been holding. 

The drive to your apartment was silent, tense. You hauled him into your apartment, warning him to be quiet because your roommate was asleep. Once you got into your bedroom, you finally took a second to take in Kylo’s appearance. He was shirtless, his normally perfect body, bloodied and bruised with fist shaped welts. His knuckles were ripped to shreds. His leg too carried cuts and welts. He looked like he went to hell and back. 

“ _ Jesus _ Kylo…” You looked him over, sadness evident in your tone. 

He shot you a crooked smile in return, patting the seat next to him on your bed. 

“Kylo, what happened? Why can’t you go home? Why couldn’t you come to the hospital?  _ What is going on?” _ You stressed, desperate for an explanation to his bloodied appearance. 

“Well Doc...it’s a long story so, settle in.”

Kylo began to explain that he was a boxer, which explained his frequent injuries, however that wasn’t the whole story. He used to be a semi-pro boxer. A good one. One with a real future to go far, but he somehow got mixed up in ‘underground fighting', he called it. The money was his biggest motivation, he explained, but it was fun to him. His parent’s business had fallen on hard times and he did what he thought he needed to do, despite their fervent disapproval. He explained that the club he was in was called, The Knights of Ren, named after him. Their best fighter. But, soon his bookie wanted more and more money, which meant risker fights. 

“This time it went too far”, he chuckled darkly. 

“Oh, Kylo,” you whispered ruefully. You laid your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes, “I’m so sorry.” You felt bad for seeking comfort from the man who was bleeding in an ally not an hour ago. You willed away any thoughts that made you too aware of the almost stranger in your room, bleeding.

He chuckled incedulously. “I tell you I’m an illegal fighter, and I have you come sew up my fuckin’ face and  _ you’re sorry _ ?” 

You looked away, cheeks feeling warm. Never had you thought you’d have a bloodied half naked man on your bed. Much less  _ this man _ . Even so, him being there just felt so... _ right.  _

Kylo slowly turned to you, his hand defly stroking up and down your arm. His walnut brown eyes caught your gaze, intense and smouldering. He leaned in, his breath tumbling out of his partled, soft lips. You closed your eyes, breath hitching in your throat. You placed your palm on his naked chest. 

“You should probably shower,” you whispered

“Is that an invitation?” He mused, leaning in closer. He placed the softest kiss on your jaw, light as a whisper. 

“No Kylo. Go shower. I don’t -”

Rejection coated his face, and you quickly corrected your phrasing. 

“Not  _ right now _ ,” you clarified, “Not when you’re like this.” You gestured up and down his broken frame. 

“Later then.” He posed, his voice teasing, sauntering into your bathroom, closing the door. 

  
You sat in your bed, heavy signs leaving your chest. You mulled over the events of the past few hours, criticizing yourself for still tingling from where his lips skimmed your face. You waited on the bed, eyes locked on the ceiling, running through various scenarios of how the rest of the night  _ alone _ with Kylo was going to go. Your thoughts raced, jumbled, confused, but one coherent thought stuck out; What. The. Fuck. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading! Enjoy bbs
> 
> SO basically, Kylo get's in a bad fight, get's cut in the face, calls reader to come save him, it scars, and then he stays at reader's house! Saucy ;)


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh,” You quipped, “Is this a date?” A teasing, jovial tone evident in your voice. 
> 
> “Do you want it to be?”

You’d fallen asleep while Kylo was in the shower, succumbing to the weariness that plagued your body. You were on top of the duvet, curled up on yourself. When your bathroom door swung open, fog billowing into your bedroom, you opened your eyes. Kylo stood in front of your bed, white towel low on his hips, black hair dripping water down his bare chest. He was muscular, his broad chest looked strong. You wanted to look away but you couldn’t find the strength. Your gaze was glued to his torso. 

“See anything you like?” Kylo teased, breaking the silence. His eyes raked over your form as if you were in the same state of dress, while in reality, you still had scrubs on your bottom half, thin jacket covering your chest. 

Your mind was blank. “I. Uh. Ummm…” Your brain stuttered, looking for any kind of response that made sense. You settled on bugging him about getting his stitches wet. He just laughed. 

“Got anything I can wear, or would you rather I just not wear anything?” He winked at you again. _God I hate his stupid face.._

“Uhm yeah sure…” You opened your drawers, pulling out a pair of black sweats and another worm t-shirt you’d stolen from Finn at one point or another. 

“Thanks,” He said, “Your boyfriend’s?”

You guffawed. “Boyfriend? _No_. These are my roommate's. I don’t have a boyfriend.” You weren’t sure, but you thought you saw something flash across his face. Relief, maybe. Thankfully, he went into the bathroom to change, walking out fully dressed for the first time you’d seen him that day. He was so much bigger than Finn that the sweats rode up like capris and the shirt strained under the stress of his muscles. You grabbed yourself a t-shirt and shorts, meekly meeting Kylo’s eyes. 

“Can you…” You wiggled your finger in a circle. He rolled his eyes, smirking as he turned around. You quickly slipped into your pyjamas. 

“It’s not like you should be embarrassed. I _have_ seen you topless already,” He called back, a smirk evident in my voice. Your whole body felt flush, your cheeks burning bright red. 

“I’m decent.” 

He turned around, his eyes boring holes into your body. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re utterly indecent, all the time.” His voice was husky. Low. 

You just smiled at the ground, feeling very exposed despite being fully clothed. You began to lay down to go to sleep until you remembered you hadn’t discussed sleeping arrangements. Before you could think further, he nonchalantly climbed into the bed next to you. 

Your body laid stiff as a board next to him initially, afraid to touch him. It wasn’t until you heard his breathing slowed down, the softest of snores escaping his lips every so often, that your body relaxed finally, curling onto your side, away from him. You attempted to quiet your mind, trying to be okay with whatever the hell had happened that night.

* * *

When you woke up, you were splayed out on your bed. Alone. You Rubbed your eyes confused, the memories of the night before smacking you in the face. You checked your phone to see if he’d texted you where he was. 

_Nothing_. 

You got ready for your shift, already late and fuming. Grabbing a granola bar to eat on your way, you froze, reaching for your keys. Your car. Shit. Shit! _SHIT_! 

Your car was still at the warehouse. Across town. And Kylo had taken the keys to his car. _You were glad you saved him last night_ , you thought, _because now you can kill him._ You were irate. You wanted to scream or hit someone, preferably Kylo. You stomped to your roommate's room, taking a deep breath. You peaked your head in.

“Finn...” You said, trying to sound as nice as you could. “Can you give me a ride to the hospital?”

Finn groaned, clearly unhappy with your intrusion on his sleep. “Why?”

“My… car wont start,” You said, sounding more like a question than you intended. “Trade for an eternity of servitude?” 

“Fuuuuuuck. Fine. Gimme a sec.”

You thanked Finn profusely the whole ride to work, promising him a week's worth of pizza and beer dinners, his favorite. 

You stumbled into the building, your morning ruined all by Kylo. _When I see him, I am going to throttle him-_ Your thoughts were interrupted by walking into a wall of muscle. 

“Jesus I’m so sorry,” you said. But when you looked up, your blood was boiling even hotter. Kylo. A small part of you was mad just because he looked so nice, wearing a navy blue jacket, grey t-shirt and black jeans. Despite the fresh wound on his face, he was still so goddamn beautiful.

“Hey doc,” He greeted, a smirk engraved into his cheek like always. 

“You!” You seethed, “How _dare_ you leave me with no warning after last night. Alone. With _no car?”_

“That’s why I’m here.” He pointed behind you, your beat up old car somehow safe and sound in the parking lot. 

“But… but. How? I have my keys…” 

He just smiled. “I have my ways.”

Still annoyed, but somewhat less so than before, you stomped into the hospital, Kylo still in tow. You whisper yelled at him, walking to the clock in station. Still seething. 

“... and another thing. You can’t call me to find you in an _ally_ , and the be all _ya know_ and then just fucking leave?” He reached out and grabed your arm, his hand meeting the bruise he had left last night. You hissed and tried to pull away, but he just grasped your hands instead. You tried to squirm out of his grip.

“Y/N, shh. Listen. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I dragged you into this, you didn’t ask for it. I’m sorry that I left this morning. Please forgive me” He pleaded with you, the cockiness you were accustomed to nowhere to be found. He peered down at you, his eyes dark and desperate. You sighed. You were always such a pushover. 

“Fine, but you owe me.”

“Anything you want Doc, just please forgive me.”

You pondered the endless opportunities for revenge, instead opting on something that made the butterflies in your stomach stir. 

“Take me to dinner.” 

He looked surprised. “That’s it?”

“Yes, just take me to dinner. A nice, normal, dinner.”

He agreed and you set plans for later that night. You said your goodbyes, and went to work. Unable to focus all day, just going through the motions until the end of your 12 hour shift, finally leaving the hospital at 8 PM.

* * *

At your apartment you paced around nervously in your bedroom not knowing what to wear, not wanting to be overdressed but not wanting to be too casual either. You FaceTimed Simon, after having updated him and Margot at lunch, the two of you rejecting almost every item of clothing in your closet. You weren't sure why you were so nervous, granted you hadn't been on a date in a while, longer than you were happy to admit. You didn’t even know if this _was_ a date. But there is something about Kylo that made you excited. Made your heart beat in a whole new way. 

Eventually, you settled on a long sleeve black turtleneck tucked into a light wash vintage pair of jeans, a pair of doc martin knockoffs, and a grey long line plaid trench coat. It was chilly outside, and you didn’t know what kind of night Kylo had planned, so you wanted to be ready for anything. You fussed with your hair for a moment, never really being satisfied with how it looks, and then put on some light makeup. You would've done something more ‘extravagant’ but you were already running behind and didn’t want to be late. 

You anxiously waited outside your apartment, furiously rubbing your hands together, the night’s chill stinging your skin. Checking the time on your phone -again- you worried that Kylo had forgotten. Kylo’s car pulled up soon after, soothing the stress in your mind. You opened the door to his car, relishing in the fact he has the heater on. 

“Wow, Doc- I mean, Y/N, you look beautiful.” He stared at you, the look in his eyes made you flush. You sat in the car, trying to shove away any internal awkwardness, fidgeting in your seat. Looking over at Kylo you felt slightly overdressed, as he was just in a white t-shirt and sherpa lined jean jacket. You thanked him, and tried to fill the time with small talk in the drive, hoping to ignore the electric current radiating from his body.

“Wanna give me a hint as to where we are going?” You batted your eyelashes at him, hoping to get an answer out of him. He smiled and looked over at you, left hand on the wheel, right hand splayed out over his thigh. 

“Not a chance Dollface, and you can blink at me all you want, but my lips are sealed.” He tilted his head back and laughed, locking the faux lock on his plush lips, and let his right hand drift over to your denim-clad thigh. Your heart began to beat furiously in your chest. Not acknowledging the large hand that rested lightly on your leg, you stuck your bottom lip out, pouting. 

“Oh don’t be a _brat,”_ he whispered lowly, giving your upper thigh a light squeeze. That nickname the swarm of butterflies in your stomach erupted; a shiver ran down your spine. Your mouth ran dry and your brain lost words. You opened your mouth to speak, closed it again, and then reopened it. 

“I uh..ahah oh,” You stuttered out nervously, giggling away your fears, “Well, I’m excited.” 

About fifteen minutes into the drive, the lights of Philadelphia blurring in the window, stopping when you pulled up to a small bricked restaurant. The neon red sign, _Chewies_ , illuminated the concrete. Kylo appeared nervous, almost. He looked at you expectantly, biting his lip.

“Let's go in!” You chirped, closing the car door, hoping your positive attitude reassured him. While you didn’t know if this was a real date, Kylo was showing a new level of vulnerability that warmed your heart. You figured it was a pizza joint, by the enveloping smell of oregano and tomato that emanated from the restaurant. Walking up to the glass doors, Kylo grabbed your hand, warm and large, which made your heart skip a beat. 

Kylo seemed to know everyone inside, especially the host, -a short, older asian woman- led the pair of you to a small secluded table in the back of the store. Watching him glide through the restaurant made your body feel warm, his confidence was palpable. He pulled your chair out for you, his hand brushing over your back, once again making you shiver. 

The conversation flowed easily, him questioning you about your past, why you were in medical school, and all about your life. He tensed some when you asked him about his life. 

“I mean, what can I say,” he said leaning back in his chair, “Ma worked all the time and Pop was always building, so it was kinda just me. It was happy I guess, but me and my parents just try to ignore each other right now, Ma’s worried ‘bout the boxin’.” His anxieties made his Philly accent more prominent. 

“I don’t blame her, Ky, it’s dangerous. Hell, I mean, look at your _face_.” You couldn’t stop your gaze from locking on his scar again, a surge of guilt rushing over you. After all, maybe if you’d insisted he go to the hospital, his face wouldn’t have been marred the way it was. He reached his hand across the table, thumb caressing your palm. 

The rest of dinner went easily, sharing a pepperoni pizza. You both agreed that pineapple doesn't belong on pizza. He insisted on paying the check, despite all of your arguments. You were disappointed that the night seemed to be coming to an end. You brushed your hair behind your ears, looking up at him. 

“Is it wrong I don’t want this date to end?” 

Your ears perked up at Kylo’s voice. He called it a _date_ . That little slip made your heart do small flips in your ribs. You relished in the small fact that he wanted to spend more time with you too. The happiness from the freudian slip warmed your body, burning your cheeks, a feeling of being _wanted_ enveloped your body. 

“ _Oh_ ,” You quipped, “Is this a _date?_ ” A teasing, jovial tone evident in your voice. 

“Do you _want_ it to be?”

A rosy blush blistered your skin. “Well, I suppose I could allow this to be a date.” You supprised yourself, you were never this coy. 

He stared at you, a fire behind his eyes. Almost like glaring, but softer. A wicked smirk craved itself into the marble of his skin. 

“Well then _babydoll_ , come with me. I got another place to take ya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and commenting! Annnnddd for being pateint as I take my sweet time uploading! :)


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kylo and Doc's totally-not-a-date date, they go meet some people who are closer to Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Brief mentions of physical violence.

You felt yourself growing nervous as Kylo pulled his car up to the deserted building. The once lit sign was now falling apart, decades of paint chipping off. He hadn’t told you where he was taking you yet, but the pit in your stomach grew as you realized how eerily similar this place was to the alley where you had found Kylo butchered just the night before. Once he put the car in park, Kylo quickly got out and jogged to your side of the car, opening the door for you

“My lady,” he said jokingly, smirking as you shuffled out of the door. 

“Thank you, my liege.”

The gravel ground crunched under your boots, the sound making you more aware of how close you were getting to the large ominous building before you. You wrapped your jacket tightly around your body, the east coast chill seeping into your clothes. Kylo looked over and saw you shivering, and he wrapped his strong arm around you. 

“Where are you taking me Kylo? This place looks… sketchy.” 

“Shh now doll, you gotta be patient. The surprise is inside.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll be patient. I just wanna know what all the secrecy is for.”

He playfully fingered the hair on your shoulder, twisting it around his long fingers. You hadn’t noticed before, but the cologne he was wearing was inviting and warm. Kylo smelled like the most intoxicating mix of amber, tobacco and just a hint of vanilla; you don’t know why but he smelled like home. 

Reaching the large metal door, he took a deep breath and pulled it open for you. The room in front of you was dimly lit, two large but well worn boxing rings sat center stage. The creak of the door opening had alerted the occupants, and suddenly you were met with the stares of six very large, _very sweaty_ men. Kylo brushed past you, greeting each of them with big friendly smiles that the goliaths in front of you matched. Your medical training wanted to tell him to stop smiling, but you couldn’t make yourself say anything. His face bright with a smile was too beautiful. 

“Boys, this is my girl I’d been telling you about, and Doc, these guys are part of my boxing club, _The Knights of Ren_.”

Your cheeks burned. _His girl_.

Though he introduced each man to you, your mind was still reeling. You hadn’t caught many of the names, other than they all were more unique than the last. You stayed in your head, processing all that had happened. Normally Kylo was so cocky, full of himself, but not here. In the warehouse, he was… relaxed. Happy. No peacocking, just _Kylo being Kylo_. 

“Whaddya think Doc?” he asked, gently placing a hand on your hip. Your skin burned under his grip, the possessive action new but welcomed.

“It’s… wow. So are there others?” You asked, trying to grasp the extent of the fighting ring he was in. The thought of him being hurt again worried you. 

“Oh yeah. There are some small clubs scattered around the city, none quite as good as mine, though.” He shot you a toothy grin, beaming in pride at their accomplishments. 

The two of you sat on two foldable chairs near the door, turned to each other. He was explaining the intricacies of how their whole system works when a man with vivid red hair and a pained expression revealed himself from the showed corner of the warehouse. 

“Ren,” he called, “Glad to see you’re alright after last night.” You noted that his expression was unchanged, his voice flat, like he didn’t really care what happened to Kylo. 

“Hux,” he said plainly. Kylo stood to greet the other man, who looked scrawny next to Kylo and the ‘Knights’. 

“This is the doctor who helped me last night.” 

_“Unlike someone,”_ you thought sharply, resenting those in Kylo’s life who hadn’t helped him when he was bleeding in the alley only the night before. 

“Doc, this is the club manager, Armitage Hux. Don’t worry he’s just as much of an ass as he seems.” Kylo gently shoved the smaller man, large grins eventually breaking out on both of their faces. 

Kylo and Hux talked to each other for a while, and while you weren't listening, you caught bits and pieces. _“There is a lot riding on this fight.” “Who is it against… damn.” “Tonight? Hux why -” “Do you think he’s ready for that?”_ Your heart began to flutter with worry, knowing he was still so freshly injured. 

Still sitting in the chair, gnawing on your nails in anxiety, one of the knights, whose name you’d forgotten, came and sat next to you. 

“So, how’d a pretty thing like you end up with a bastard like Ren?” His philadelphia accent was as strong as Kylo’s, but his tone was unreadable; you didn’t know if he was joking or not.   
“Oh! Um… I’m a doctor in the emergency room, and he's kind of a frequent customer. He always comes in battered or broken.” You chuckled lightly at the end, wistfully wishing for the innocence you once had to the nature of Kylo’s injuries. 

“Now that’s what I call quality service,” he winked at you. 

“Oh leave her alone Ushar. She’s with Ren, no way she’s going near a prick like you,” another man laughed. 

The first man, Ushar, looked flustered now, a faint tint of pink on his cheeks. 

“Don’t worry about him doll, he’s harmless. Just fuckin’ around. I’m Cardo.” He put out his large hand for you to shake, which you did hesitantly.

“I’m not ‘ _with Kylo_ ’ by the way, we… we’re not like that.”

Cardo looked between you and Kylo, who kept glancing at you from behind Hux. “Could’ve fooled me.” He shrugged. 

That made your cheeks flush. You had to force the thoughts of Kylo out of your head. You couldn’t think of him _that_ way. You looked over to Cardo, his massive frame casting a shadow over your. If you looked past his intimidating physicality and tough exterior, he seemed kind of sweet. 

He turned to you. “Thanks for fixing Ren up last night, if I had been there… well the night would’ve ended differently.” He chuckled darkly. You flinched at the images that popped into your head, of Cardo or any of the knights or Kylo bloodied in an alley. 

Thankfully, Kylo came to rescue you from the dark images painted by his friend. 

“Heya Doc, I don’t think you wanna stay for the fight. You ready?” 

The look in his eyes was unusual, you couldn’t quite pinpoint it. He looked like he was caught in between anger and anxiety. 

“Aw, C’mon Ren, don’t be like that. You didn’t even ask her if she wanted to stay.” Another man, _Vicrul maybe,”_ you thought, walked up. He slug an arm over Kylo’s shoulder, despite being a few inches shorter than him. Kylo’s body tensed and his eyes hardened. His friend was just laughing. 

“We can go, Kylo, if you want?” you said in a small voice, suddenly feeling very timid surrounded by the large men. 

Aggressively, Kylo shrugged off his friend’s arm, grabbed your hand, and began dragging you to the door. You didn’t have the courage to look behind you and see the 6 pairs of eyes you felt on your back. 

Once outside, Kylo’s quick pace didn’t slow until you were just outside his car. His chest heaved, eyes wide. 

You touched his arm gently, wanting to calm him down, “Are you okay Ky?”

He closed his eyes and took a few calculated deep breaths. A grin returns to his face, “I’m fine (Y/N). Sorry, those guys just love fuck with me.”

“Did you not want me to stay with your for the fight… because I can call an Uber or-”

He cut you off. “Don’t be ridiculous. I want to be wherever you are,” he looked as caught off guard as you were at his statements. He fumbled over his words, trying to clarify, “I just mean that, I don’t- You shouldn’t…. Um, what I mean is, the fight is going to be really rough to watch, with even worse people in the crowd. You don’t need to see that.” His voice softened at the end, his honey brown eyes boring into yours. 

His face inched closer to yours. You released a sigh you didn’t know you were holding, your eyes fluttering shut in anticipation. 

“I should probably get you home, it’s getting late,” his breath fanned across your face, his arm now holding the car door open for you. You nodded, chastising the rejection that stung in your chest. _Why did you want him to kiss you?_

The ride back to your apartment was quiet, a 1950’s crooner softly humming in the background, nearly blending in with the sounds of the city. You tried once or twice to strike up a conversation, but Kylo seemed to be distracted by his thoughts, so instead you just watched the lights of the city pass by in a blur, losing yourself in your own mind as well. 

You argued in your mind, your logical rational brain listing all the reasons to stay away from Kylo. Clearly he was dangerous, he definitely had some seedy friends and not entirely legal pastimes. His entire body screamed ‘ _danger’_ especially now, with his scar so crudely stitched together. But, another voice inside of you, a softer but persistent one, brought up thoughts of his kind, deep brown eyes, his smile, the kind way he speaks to you, the way he makes you laugh.

The faux court proceedings deciding Kylo and your future was cut short when the car pulled to a halt, he was idling in front of your complex. You turned to him, noting the torn look on his face. You reached across, placing your hand atop his on the gearshift, brushing your thumb over his small finger. 

“Thank you for tonight,” you said earnestly, hoping to distract him from whatever captured his thoughts. “I had a great time with you.”

He picked up your hand gingerly, a unique mix of sadness and mischief in his eyes, and placed a chase kiss on your knuckles. “Goodnight Doc.” 

Wordlessly, you climbed out of the car, watching him drive off, mouth agape still. Knuckles ablaze from his lips. 

Shaky legs carried you from the curb to your door, mind floating high above in the clouds. The part of you that wanted to stay away from Kylo was silenced, only your desire for him burned in your thoughts. You nodded at Finn, who was curled up on the couch with Poe and Rose on either side of him. You smirked to yourself, not wishing for the terrible love triangle those three had themselves roped in. 

Once in your bedroom, you practically floated to the shower, letting your thoughts wander under the hot water. 

_Was he going to kiss me at the warehouse? Why did he kiss my hand? “Why was he acting so weird with the Knights?”_ Questions swirled around in your head. You operated in the shower practically on autopilot, so much so you hardly remembered washing your hair. The only sign you did so was the slight scent of strawberry that now hung in the air. 

You forced yourself to not think about Kylo for the rest of the night. You were acting like a teenager, thinking about some guy so much. You slipped on your pyjamas, a shirt and panties, not worrying about your appearance. You couldn't be _paid_ to go be in the presence of the dramageddion in your living room between Finn, Poe and Rose. 

You hadn't realized just how worn out you were until you climbed in your bed, the fluffy duvet feeling heavy as you sunk down into the mattress. You were almost asleep when your phone lit up, it’s bright screen shattering the blackness of your bedroom. Annoyed you turned over, ready to fling it across the room. Your technological assault stopped when you saw who messaged you. Kylo. 

> Kylo **1:28 AM**
> 
> I had a great time too Doc
> 
> Kylo **1:28 AM**
> 
> And next time, I won’t talk myself out of out of kissing you
> 
> Kylo **1:28 AM**
> 
> See ya soon Doc ;)

Your heart raced again. _So he_ was _going to kiss me?_ You tried not to celebrate that fact too much, desperately clinging onto the last of your resolve. You roughly shoved a pillow onto your face, feeling like screaming, 

“ _He is going to be the death of me,”_ you thought, before turning your phone on silent. Now, you just lay on your bed, desperately waiting for sleep to rescue you from your pining. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH! Thank you so much all of the new readers! I nearly doubled my hits since my last post! You all are so kind and amazing! I hope you enjoyed! Hopefully next chapter we will get some more cutesy kylo/reader action;)  
> Also we will be seeing more of the knights soon!


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your night with familiar, which left you confused, and you see a few familiar faces at the hospital.

Waking up the next morning took about as much effort as studying for the MCAT. The night before, you slept so poorly, dreams full of unrest, seeing Kylo in the alleyway bleeding, or strangely, Finn and Kylo in a boxing ring. Sitting up, trying to smooth out your rat’s nest hair, you wondered mindlessly if Kylo had ever met Finn. The boxing circuit in Philly can’t be _that_ big. 

You went into the bathroom, squinting at the bright sunlight streaming in from the window. 

_“Too fucking early,”_ You thought groggily. 

Getting ready for work was almost as laborious as work itself, primping on this little sleep is rough. You eventually finished, throwing on a clean pair of lavender scrubs, twisting your hair into a bun, and went into the shared kitchen to grab some breakfast before you left to be on call in the ER. 

“Morning sleepyhead,” called your roommate, brown eyes peering up at you from his pan on the stove. He was always so almost so annoyingly perky in the morning, he was always up before you, even with your 5 AM shifts at the hospital. He tipped the pan up at you, offering some of his eggs, but you softly shook your head ‘no’, opting to just grab some coffee instead. 

“So, you got home pretty late last night,” he teased, the smile clearly evident in his voice. 

Despite the blush that was burning your cheeks, you held strong, still facing him head on. “Yes, and?”

“What’s his name?”

Playing dumb, “Who’s name?”

Setting his heaping plate of eggs down on the table, Finn rolled his eyes, knowing what game you were playing. “Cut the shit, (Y/N), the guy you were on a date with last night.”

Defensive, “It wasn’t a date… not really.” Your voice grew soft towards the end, feeling unsure about what all was going on between Kylo and yourself. 

“Oh c’mon. Any guy would be a dumbass if he let you slip through his fingers.”

“Thanks, Finny,” you said, a small, sad smile on your lips. You set your mostly empty coffee mug in the sink, grabbing your purse, and slipping out of the door. 

The walk to your car felt endless, your mind spinning through the possibilities of what could happen with you and Kylo. You didn’t even know how you felt about him, he was your patient but even more than that, he has such a shady past and is in a boxing ring for star’s sake. But, another part of your mind couldn’t get his image out of your thoughts. His high cheekbones, his soft lips, the way his dark hair flops onto his face. When you found your car, you had to try and banish Kylo from your mind, failing miserably. You couldn't help but imagine Kylo’s giant frame squeezing himself into your tiny car. You chuckled at the thought

The drive to Holdo was pleasantly uneventful, some random indie song blurring the background noise of the highway. Arriving at the hospital, you followed your normal routine, signing in, gathering your list of patients, and getting to work. The first few patients were simple, some abdominal pain, a broken bone or two, and one case of suspiciously misplaced produce. 

Peeling off your gloves, leaving the examination room, you bumped head on into what felt like a solid wall of muscle. Looking up, you had to try and hide your surprise when you recognized the human wall in front of you- Cardo. His lip was swollen and his left eye was an angry scarlet, the beginnings of a bruise peaking through. He was being escorted by Simon to the neighboring room. He jutted his chin up slightly in greeting. You rushed over to Margot, looking through her paperwork on the counter, mumbling to yourself under your breath. 

“Now Sweetheart, why are you going through my papers?” Her voice was kind and light, to signify she wasn’t actually bothered, but she still clearly expected an answer from you. 

“Sorry Marg, but Si just brought in a new patient and I know him, so I just wanted to know why he’s here.” You didn’t look up, still sorting through the pages, scanning for his name. 

You could feel Margot’s eyes still trained on you, the small wrinkles in the corners of her eyes scrunching slightly. 

You sighed. “He’s Kylo’s friend, and I met him last night… I just wanna make sure he’s okay.” You prayed a silent prayer to any deity that would listen, hoping she wouldn’t press you on the small detail about you being out with Kylo last night. 

Apparently all the deities were preoccupied because your hopes were crushed when her small, dark, hand reached out and grabbed your wrist, halting any further paper searching. 

“Back it up now girly. You were _out_ with Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Dangerous, and you didn’t think to tell me.” She stared at you accusingly, her dark eyes still full of a mischievous mirth. 

You flushed, not wanting to confront the numerous questions about last night that tormented your _own brain_ , much less anyone else’s. But, you knew she wasn’t about to drop this. She was like a damn dog with a bone. 

Exhaling heavily, you resigned yourself to respond. “So… long ass confusing story short, Kylo was injured two nights ago, I helped him out, he repaid me by buying me dinner… which wasn’t a date. I don’t think… And then he introduced me to his friends in his boxing club.” As the words tumbled out of your mouth in a rushed anxiety, the realization that all of those events had occurred in _just three days_ made you feel like you should lie down. You suspected that his life was hectic and not necessarily the most stable place, but if these past few days were any indicator, you didn’t know if you could bear it. You liked calmness, routine, predictability. Kylo was _none_ of those things. 

Margot patted your hand gently, much like a grandmother might. “Mija,” she started, her soft voice using the nickname she saved for her ‘peak abuela moments,’ “I think you need to talk to this boy. Seriously. It's clearer than the day you care for him, but you need to protect yourself, your heart. You need to know where the other stands.”

You nodded softly, looking up only when she handed you a small medical file. 

“Here, baby. This is for the boy in room 85; But, baby, please. Stay safe.” Her full lips help a sad smile, knowingly gazing at you. Like she knew how it would end. 

_Badly._

Caring for Cardo was very much like helping Kylo, only with less flirting and more whining. For a big, intimidating, boxer he was surprisingly squeamish when it came to medical care. As you finished disinfecting the small abrasions on his cheeks, you tried to casually ask him some questions, get some background. 

“So, how long have you known Kylo?” Keeping your voice distant and disinterested as to not give away your true intentions. 

“Um, probably about a good five years? We joined the Knights club at the same time.”

“Ah,” you mused, moving onto the large scrape down the side of his arm.

He continued, “He talks about you a lot, though.” He hissed as you accidentally gripped his injured arm too roughly in surprise. 

You just awkwardly laughed, allowing the conversation to die, fearing you may not be able to handle any more of Cardo’s admissions.

* * *

Leaving the hospital, you felt grungy and exhausted. Your body was so weary even the scrubs felt like dumbbells weighing you down. 

Still lost in your own thoughts, you almost missed the voice calling out for you. 

“Doc! Hey! Doc! _Jesus Chirst._ (Y/N)!”

Whipping your head to the side, you see a large figure in the dark. You hated yourself for knowing immediately it was Kylo. You _really_ shouldn’t be paying that much attention to him, but your waning resolve was now paper thin. 

As he jogged up to you, loose grey sweats and a deep navy tee-shirt caught your eye, the _very_ visible outline of his strong body was all too distracting.

“Heya, Doc!” He wrapped his large arms around you, pulling you into a surprising, bone-obliterating hug, causing you to yelp as you felt him pull your body up onto your toes. You felt a deep rumble in his chest as he laughed at your shock. He’d _never_ touched you like _that_ before.

“He-hey Kylo,” you breathed out, the wind having just been knocked out of you. You couldn’t help the grin that began to take over your cheeks. It always seemed to be present when he was around. “What are you doing here? Wait,” you suddenly got nervous, “You aren’t injured right?”

He laughed again, his wide grin bringing out the adorable unevenness in his smile, but you loved that about him. His smile never failed to make you speechless. “Nah, nah, doll. I’m alright, I just wanted to come see how my girl-” he quickly corrected, “My Doc was doing tonight.” 

You just grinned at him speechless, feeling like a love-struck school girl instead of a highly trained medical professional who should be able to handle herself infront of an albeit very attractive man.

“Also..” he started, voice much softer than before, “I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to go on a, um, real date, sometime. Um, ya know, only if you wanted to though.”

Your heart fluttered, his meekness and uncertainty new but still very adorable. 

As he stared at you, you realized you forgot to answer. 

“Oh! Yes, I would-” you cleared your throat, “I would really like to go on a date with you, Kylo”

His grim got impossibly wider, his eyes crinkling up at the sides. “Great, I’ll text you when and where.” He sauntered off with a smirk and a wink, his cockiness having seemingly returned. 

* * *

Back at your apartment, you felt like you were riding clouds, as if you were impervious to anything.

Curling up in bed, about to turn on a podcast to listen to as you responded to texts and emails, your phone blared to life, an unknown number flashing across the screen. 

Annoyed, you ignore the call, heading to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. When you got back, your phone lit up with a notification of a new voicemail. 

> _“(Y/N), My name is Rey, and I am Kylo’s_ **_girlfriend._ ** _This is a warning. **Stay**_ **_away_ ** _f_ _rom Kylo Ren. He has me, and doesn't want or need you. Stay. Away.”_

_  
_   
  


You dropped your phone onto the comforter, stunned. The thirty seconds of another woman’s voice still ringing loudly in your ears. Hot,angry, silent tears were your only companion. Forgetting the podcast, you laid in bed,feeling numb, allowing the dark clouds of anger and humiliation cover and envelop you.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You deal with the aftermath of Rey's call, while she gives Kylo a visit at his gym.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh This is so dialogue heavy, but I promise it's all for the plot! And this does switch from your POV to Kylo's about midway through, the switch is marked by both a horizontal line and the POV label.

That night, when the girl  _ -Rey- _ called you, you laid in bed for hours, switching between crying and seething, sometimes both. You felt so hurt, so stupid. You  _ never  _ should have gotten involved with Kylo. He’s a patient for star’s sake, and an  _ illegal _ boxer… and apparently not single. Which isn’t surprising, a man who looks like he does won’t stay single for long. 

After some number of hours later, you eventually sat up, haphazardly swiping the backs of your hands on your cheeks, rubbing away the evidence of the turmoil inside. You don’t know if you slept or not, but you knew you couldn’t stay alone in your bed crying. 

You felt like there was a dark, ominous cloud looming over you, casting deep, dark shadows on your mind and thoughts, wrapping you in pain. Though things may not have progressed very far with Kylo, the betrayal cut deep. 

Getting ready for the day felt like a waste, knowing that you wouldn’t have the energy to do anything. Just mope. You didn’t have to work, but for once you wished you did, as a distraction, but it seems the universes’ cruel jokes would never end. 

You turned on the shower, the water quickly becoming scalding. The heat turned your skin slightly pink, in a pain you hoped would detract from the one inside your heart. Inside, you roughly scrubbed over your skin, wanting to wash away any trace of where he’d been. You thanked any god there was that you didn’t sleep with him. You didn’t think you could handle it if he’d been inside you, marked you. You tried to ignore your body’s reaction to the idea, scolding yourself for even wanting him after what he’s done to you. 

You were in the shower so long, the water began to run cold, prompting you to get out. You didn’t know how long you were in there, but it must have been a while, as you phone had a multitude of notifications lighting up the screen. One message in particular made your breath hitch. 

Kylo.  _ That fucker _ . 

He texted you, asking how you were, asking if tonight was a good night for the “date”. You wanted to scream. To cuss him out, call him out for his sleaziness, but you didn’t. You just ignored the text and blocked his number. 

You got dressed in comfortable clothes, a small comfort amidst the flurry of pain you felt. Basically pajamas, but even more ratty than normal. 

The lack of sunlight coming in from the windows cues you into the fact that it’s way too early to be awake, but you know better than to think you could sleep. Instead, you decide to deep clean your room, hoping to keep your body and mind busy. After your bed has been made, laundry started, floors swept, and bathroom scrubbed, you move onto the kitchen. You haven’t stress cleaned like this since you were preparing to take your certification exams. 

Eventually after cleaning every inch of the apartment you could get to, you just sat in the living room on the black leather couch. Just waiting for Finn to wake up, needing one of his warm strong hugs to help fight the darkness that threatened to consume you from the inside. He’d been your best friend since your undergrad, and he’s the one person you can count on no matter what.

By the time Finn came out of his room, you’d dozed off slightly on the sofa, head on your knees as you hugged yourself. His appearance woke you. 

“Finn?” You croaked, voice horse from a mix of the crying and lack of use. 

Still half asleep, he was startled by you, jumping up a little bit. “(Y/N)?”

“You know that guy I’ve kinda been seeing…” you started, trying top keep your emotions in check. He nods a little, moving to come sit by you. 

“He um, well,” a deep breath, “He has a girlfriend.” Your voice broke some towards the end, pulling Finn closer, the dam on your tears having burst. 

“Come'ere kid, it’ll be okay.” He just hugged you, letting you cry. His warm brown skin like a pillow, holding you and taking in your tears. 

After a while, once you’d cried yourself out, you began to tell him everything that had happened. About how he’d been in the hospital dozens of times, always joking and flirting with you, getting closer to you. How Simon gave him your number. How he called you to that godforsaken alley. How he took you to dinner. Met the knights. How he asked you out, and then had a girlfriend.

“Wait, hold on.” 

“What?” You sniffled. 

“What’s this assholes name?”

“Kylo Ren… Why?”

“Shit.,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes now closed. 

“Finn, why? Whats wrong?”

“I know him.”

* * *

**KYLO’S POV**

Kylo was at the gym with Hux, training for his upcoming match against the Hutt club. It was a big fight, high stakes. Which is why Hux was on him so much about training. Thought it annoyed him, Kylo knew it was for the best. Ever since he pulled (Y/N) into his life, he’s been increasingly more distracted. 

Thinking of her, he checked his phone, frowning when he noticed she hadn’t responded yet . It wasn’t like her to respond slowly, but before he could message her again, he heard some of the knights come into the gym. They were almost always in later than Kylo, not having a much on the line as he did. 

Kylo was a professional boxer years ago, before he changed his name. Before he started over. But he knew that he was the “big ticket fighter” for the club. If the Knights of Ren lost, it would all be on him. The First Order can’t handle a loss right now. 

Regardless, too many shady characters had invested their money into these fights for him to get out now, even if he wanted to. 

He wasn’t sure what he wanted. He thought he knew, but ever since he started to get closer to (Y/N), he’s been confused. They live in two totally different worlds, but he thinks he  _ could _ change, if he wanted to. 

Kylo was pulled out of his thoughts as Cardo and Kuruk came over to him. 

“Hey Ren, how’s that sweet lil’ doc of yours?” Kuruk called as he was loading the dumbbell with weights. Some of the other knights who were nearby chuckled some, but none wanted to be obvious enough to get on Kylo’s nerves. 

He rolled his eyes, his jaw taught. “She’s fine.” 

Kylo didn’t know why, but when any of the knights mentioned (Y/N), he felt surges of jealousy. Felt protective of her, wanted to keep mens like… men like him away from her. She deserves better than him, and he knew that, but a selfish part of him wanted to keep her all to himself. 

After a few tense moments, the men all settled into their workout routines. The only sounds that could be heard in the gym was their heavy breathing, the clanging of the equipment, and the hushed music escaping their headphones. 

Kylo vaguely noted that the door to the gym opened, but paid it no mind. He was too in the zone of working out, wanting to get it over with so he could be free. 

_ Free to see (Y/N), _ his conscience pestered. Just the thought of her made him smirk. 

A small finger tapped his shoulder. Confused he removed an earbud, turning around,. 

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_. 

“Hi Ky! Have a moment?” The small brunet in front of him had her lips curls into a devious smirk, hand out on her popped hip.

“Rey, what are you doing here?” He stepped off of the weights platform, still towering over his ex-girlfriend. 

He was with Rey shortly after he joined the First Order club and assembled the Knights of Ren. She was with him when he was in a very dark place. They knew each other when he still was Ben, but she hadn’t made any moves until he changed. They were together for longer than Kylo would want to admit; they were toxic for each other. He resented the fact that she seemed to want to “fix him” but he wasn’t much better. He ignored her and took out a lot of his anger at the world on her. They were both in the wrong then. 

However, Rey never seemed to move on, despite the fact that in the end she was cheating on him left and right. The final staw for Kylo though, was when he caught her hooking up with Poe Dameron, his parent’s new prodigy at their construction business. She’s harassed him ever since, but she’s been quiet for a while. Her presence made him suspicious. 

“Oh don’t be like that Ky, I missed you,” she slid a hand up his bare chest, “I wanted to see you.”

Kylo gently pulled her hands off of him, not wanting to risk what he was building with (Y/N). “Rey. Stop. You need to go, I’ve made it abundently clear, I don’t feel for you what I used to. I’ve moved on. You should too.”

“That’s a shame Ky, but who are you moving on with?” She cocked an eyebrow at him. Though she was small, she still wielded so much power over Kylo, she knew  _ all  _ of his secrets. “Your doc?” She was laughing. 

Kylo hardened his face, “Leave her out of this Rey. She’s done nothing to you.”

“Oh but she has Kylo. She's taken you,” a beat, “But I suspect she won’t have you for much longer.”

“What did you do?”

As Rey was turning to leave, many of the knights eyes in the gym followed her, fueling her ego. 

“I just gave her a call. You should do the same.”

With that, she left, leaving Kylo and (Y/N)’s budding relationship in her wake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god! We've passed 1400 reads?! I never thought this would happen but I'm SO glad you all are enjoying this story with me! Don't worry we've got some spicy developments coming up soon! Just bare with me as I try my best to be angsty, but I promise fluff and more ;) is on it's way!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You kept yelling, but the accusations quickly turned to loud sobs. Your fits pelting his chest were weaker than before, until they eventually stopped, leaving your palms resting on his pecs.
> 
> Once the words stopped, you just looked up at him with sad, teary eyes, waiting. 
> 
> Before you could register his movements, Kylo crashed his lips down onto yours.

“I know him,” Finn’s voice was strangely somber, reserved. 

“What? How… from boxing?”

“Yes,” he started, taking in a deep breath, “But also no. Come here, sit down. It’s a long story.”

Your brow knit together in confusion, not understanding what he was getting or why he was so uncharacteristically serious all of a sudden. 

“Look, (Y/N), Kylo Ren… he isn’t who you think he is.”

In that moment, your breath hitched in your throat, heart beating so fast it hurt. 

Finn continued to explain, unravelling your perception and understanding of  _ who _ Kylo Ren even was. 

“His real name is Ben Solo,” he said, his eyes fixed on your face monitoring your reactions. 

“ _ Solo _ ... you mean as in your bosses?”

Finn’s jaw clenched then released, nostrils flaring. “Yes. They’re his parents.”

Your mouth opened and closed a number of times, words escaping you. Kylo or Ben or whatever the hell his real name was, he was so close to your life in ways you couldn’t yet comprehend. He was Finn’s old boxing partner, he’s  _ the _ Ben he’s always so upset about, you’ve heard stories of the Solo's rebellious, and slightly criminal child… but now that the full picture of who “Kylo” is was coming together, it was all becoming too much. 

You tuned out Finn’s talking, trying to process the chaos in your mind. Eventually, you just went back into your room, alone. Needing to figure out what the hell had happened to your simple life. 

You hid in your room the remainder of the day, not wanting to have to talk to Finn about Kylo or listen to his judgements. You thanked your past self as you found your secret stash of proteins bars you kept in your room when Finn had Poe and Rose over. 

The three of them had a relationship somehow infinitely more complicated as the one you and Kylo had. Poe and Rose have feelings for Finn, who has feelings for the  _ both _ of them, but since they’re all best friends, they have this weird, not polyamorous but not truly exclusive “non-relationship” relationship… The idea of navigating something of that caliber made your head hurt. 

When you woke up the next morning, you’d made a decision. You were going to be okay, you had to be. You were going to rewind your life a few months, to the time before you’d met Kylo. If you lie to yourself enough, surely you’ll  _ have _ to believe it eventually. Once you’d made your resolve, a thick layer of forced tranquility came over you, relaxing you, even if just on the surface. 

You went to work as normal, clocking in, talking to Margot and Simon, treating patients, never once taking a break, afraid your carefully constructed facade would crumble. The only concession to the past you made yourself is that you would not treat Kylo Ren. You couldn’t, his hold on you was too much. You knew you wouldn’t be able to stay away from him if you had to see him, see his face at work. 

So that's what you did, for almost four weeks, you’d dogged every call, avoided his patient charts, and refused to think about him. You felt yourself returning more to normal, feeling more open, more free. That is, while you were awake. When you slept however, you were plagued with dreams of  _ him _ . Of a life you could’ve had, the love you could’ve made, everything you could’ve had together. You wondered briefly where you’d be if the girl, Rey, hadn’t called you. But you soon had to force the thought out of your mind, feeling your grip on your “ _ okayness” _ slipping. 

At some point, Margot must have noticed you refused to see Kylo, but if she did, she never mentioned it, just quietly swapped assignments with you if he came across your clipboard. You’d need to thank her for that. 

You did have one slip up though. Finn brought home pizza, which was fine until you noticed the label.  _ Chewie’s _ . The place Kylo had taken you what seemed like a lifetime ago. You stared at the pizza box, mouth agape, thick tears budding in your eyes threatening to spill. You had to catch yourself on the counter, your knees giving out. The rest of the night was spent crying into Finn’s chest, despairing for the loss of a possibility. The possibility of love with Kylo. 

One Friday afternoon, you were finishing your shift, only one patient left, Benji Soloman. In hindsight, you should’ve known, but whether it was a subconscious choice or sheer exhaustion induced ignorance, you took his patient sheet. 

You began speaking as you opened the door, the hinges sticking, requiring some force to open, “Alright Mr. Solomon, what seems to be the problem today?” You didn’t look up, eyes still fixated on the clipboard, scribbling down various pre-patient procedural paperwork. 

“Doc.”

You froze, your body so still you were sure your heart stopped beating. You closed your eyes, counting back from three, hoping to awake from the dream you had to be living. You’d had this one before, where he waited for you in an exam room, waiting to sweep you off your feet, but you were amazed at how  _ real _ this one felt. You hated those dreams the most, because no man with a girlfriend and a secret identity made habits of sweeping people off of their feet. 

You exhaled, turning around almost bumping Kylo’s large muscular body because he’d moved right behind you. Meere inches now separating you. His scent, musky and warm, invaded your senses, almost like a drug, permeating your thought process. 

You still stayed frozen in your spot, stuck. Your mind was hardly processing a clear thought, most of them just shuttered and choppy. You try to pry your gaze off of his face, but you can’t. The first thing to catch your eye was his scar, now more faded, the angry red blurred into a softer but still prominent pink. Then, his lips, but you refused to linger there long, afraid he might misinterpret your staring, and kiss you. If he did… you weren’t sure you’d have the strength to stop him. 

Eventually you worked up enough confidence to meet his eyes, golden and molten, like melting topaz, hints of a hazel green around the edges. His eyes were so pleading and intense, it nearly knocking the wind out of you. 

A few raggedy, stuttered breaths later, you eventually spoke. The heavy silence only made the tension more profound. 

“Why are you here?” 

Those four words took a herculean amount of strength to stay, having to keep your voice even while also combating the part of your mind you hoped you’d vanquished- the part of you that still wanted him.

“(Y/N), I… I’m sorry for what Rey said to you, but baby please believe me, it’s a lie-”

You scrunched up your eyes, holding up a finger momentarily so he’d stop. 

“Why. Are. You. Here?” You punctuated every word hoping he would understand the magnitude of your anger. 

“I needed to see you. You’ve been avoiding my calls, my appointments under my own name… I had to do something.  _ I had to see you. _ ” The genuine emotion in his voice felt like a battering ram hitting you in the gut. You had hurt him. But, he deserves it. 

As you tried to steady yourself to speak again, you felt a rage bubbling so close to the surface, you couldn’t contain it. You were so hurt and betrayed, you didn’t know  _ what _ to feel besides anger. 

“Which name?” You were very curt, trying to keep from exploding at him. At least until you were off the clock. 

He looked confused. You wanted to slap the look right off of his face.

“Which name? Kylo or Ben?” 

The look in his eyes was unmatched, wide and full of a fear-like surprise. He’d been caught, and you both knew it. 

“How did you…?” He mumbled, still bewildered. 

“The boxing community is  _ much _ smaller in Philly than you made it seem. Remember Finn,  _ Ben _ ?” You used his birth name, angry. 

“Shit… But listen Doc I was gonna tell you, I just… was, I don’t know, waiting for the right time. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t mean  _ shit _ anymore Kylo. “ _ Sorry _ ” is what you say if you’re late or forget to call.  _ Not _ what you say when you have a whole secret identity and a girlfriend.”

Now it was his turn to get upset. “She’s  _ not _ my girlfriend! She’s crazy. If you’d fucking listen to me you’d know that by now!” He was near yelling, getting closer to your face. 

“Oh you’re such a bastard! I can’t believe I ever  _ felt anything _ for you!” You were yelling now too, not caring who heard outside the room. But, your lower lip began to quiver, giving you away. When he saw that, his fists unclenched, and he softened his body language. 

“(Y/N)...” 

“No!  _ No _ ! You don’t get to pity me! You don’t get to be sorry! Not when you lied to me, you stupid selfish prick!” You were still yelling, but now the tears began to fall, and once that dam broke, they were flowing openly down your cheeks. 

Kylo just stood and listened, watching you. 

“I trusted you! I helped you! I… Kylo I risked my job, my  _ career _ and you just fucking lied!” You were getting closer to his face, hitting him in the chest with your fists, which you had to admit, looked feeble on his broad chest. Still, he just sat quiet, and watched. 

You kept yelling, but the accusations quickly turned to loud sobs. Your fits pelting his chest were weaker than before, until they eventually stopped, leaving your palms resting on his pecs.

Once the words stopped, you just looked up at him with sad, teary eyes, waiting. 

Before you could register his movements, Kylo crashed his lips down onto yours, urgent and earnest, but still soft. His large palms were cradling your cheeks. Once your mind caught up, slower than usual, exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster the past 15 minutes had been, you opened your eyes, staring at his face. You made sure to keep your lips still, not kissing back. You tried to push him off, but he was much stronger than you. He pulled away for just a breath, whispering “Doc,  _ please, _ ” before his mouth returned to yours. 

That broke your resolve. 

You immediately kissed him back, hard. Your mouth moving with passion and vigor, pouring all of your emotions into it, tears flowing once again. Your hands tangled in his long black hair, pulling him closer to you. You felt like you needed him to breathe. He returned your excitement in kind, lips keeping up a rhythm with yours. His hands moved, one on the back of your neck pulling you closer, one on your waist, massaging the soft skin that peeked from under the hem of your scrubs. 

He tentatively stuck out his tongue, running the length of your cupid’s bow, and you gladly let him in. Your tongues massaged each other, moving together so effortlessly, like a choreographed ballroom dance. Eventually, you both pulled away to breathe, panting and heaving, cheeks and lips now bright flushed shades of pink and red. He didn’t wait long to get his mouth back on you, now on your neck, kissing and sucking a path downwards, sending shivers down your spine. You had to try and contain the moans that threatened to escape your mouth. Grabbing his hair once again, you pulled his lips to yours again, missing his heat. It was then, you pushed yourself up onto the exam table behind you, pulling him with you. Your bodies were connected everywhere. His hips, now level with yours began to softly push and grind into you some, fueling the fire that was beginning to burn in your belly. You wanted  _ more _ . You wanted _ all of him.  _

The rational part of your mind that tried to remind you that he lied to you, that this was wrong, that you were at work, was swiftly silenced by the mindless bliss you felt when his lips were touching yours. 

Just as his hand began to tiptoe it’s way up your side you heard the door knob jiggle. Someone was coming in. You pulled away as fast as you could, nearly launching yourself off of the exam table and over to the counter, while Kylo righted himself, leaning on the table you’d just been sitting on. 

Simon came in, pausing as he realized  _ who _ occupied the room. 

“Oh um,” he cleared his throat, “Hi, Doctor, Mr. Ren, sorry for the interruption. (Y/N), Margot wanted your help setting the femur in AD-48 when you have a moment.”

You looked up at him, but were unable to meet his eye. “Thanks Si, I’ll be there in a moment, just let me finish up with this patient.”

He threw you a knowing look, winking as he shut the door, once again with effort. You thanked your lucky stars no one had greased the hinges yet. 

You looked up at Kylo, who was still staring at you, his eyes hungry. You took in a deep breath, hoping to keep your hands and lips where they belonged. 

“Okay, so obviously we have some  _ things _ we need to talk through.”

“Yeah… Would um… tonight be a good time for you?” He asked his hand on the back of his neck. He tensed, almost as if he was waiting for rejection. 

Clearing your throat, “Um, yeah sure. Can we… um. Can we do it at your place? I just don't wanna have to worry about Finn and every-” You quickly realized what you said. “And by ‘do it’, I just mean talk about us and everything,” You laughed a small awkward chuckle. 

“That’ll be fine, Doc. Don’t stress so much,” Suddenly, the normal Kylo seemed to be back, over confident and seductive. His lips grazed your cheek before he left the room so smoothly, it was almost as if he was gliding, leaving you breathless and dazed on the stool. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading! I Hope you all enjoy where this story is going so far, but trust me I have a lot planned, so please stick around! Enjoy <3


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For me to trust you again Kylo, really trust you again, I need to know everything. I need the gory details.”
> 
> “Tell me about you, tell me about Ben Solo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA, I didn't have anyone beta read this because I just was so excited to post again! I apologize for any errors and I hope you enjoy!

The same day as the _incident_ in the exam room, Kylo called you to confirm your plans for that night, to meet at his apartment and talk about… everything. The whole affair had your heart racing all day, practically pounding out of your chest. You miscalculated how long it would take you to get out of the hospital and traffic, but you scantily made it to his home on time. Your hair was still shoved in it’s messy bun from work, but you’d managed to change from your scrubs to a pair of leggings and a ratty hoodie. 

_“Better than nothing, I guess,”_ you thought to yourself, pulling up to the house. 

As you peered out the passenger side mirror, your breath caught in your throat. You’d almost expected Kylo to either live in a shack with half of his boxing club or perhaps a marble-clad mansion, but his home looked... _normal?_

It was a petite one-story home, a well maintained flower garden seemingly glittering even in the dark of night. There were a few weather-worn wood steps that led up up to a thinning screen door. Something about his home created a more _domestic_ Kylo in your mind. As images of him made with kids, laughing and playing clouded your thoughts… you shook your head and you climbed out of the car. You chastised your wandering mind, deeming it far too early to be thinking of a man and his hypothetical children. 

You strode up the wood steps, trying to breath in and out with the click or your shoes on the creaky boards. The cool night’s air made gooseflesh erupt on your forearms.You forced yourself to have no preconceived notions of the potential outcomes of the conversation with Kylo you were facing. 

You almost felt as if an invisible force was trapping you to the step in front of his porch because, no matter how much you willed it, you couldn’t bring yourself to approach his door. Your fingers twitched and wiggled by your side in trepidation. 

Once you managed to force your legs, which pulled like lead to the ground, to the door, you shakily raised your fist to knock. It shook as you did so. 

Before your knuckles could rap against the rickety door frame, the entrance swung open with fervor. The now wide open wood door revealed a ruffled Kylo, eyes boring into you from behind the frayed screen. Your gaze held for a moment, an investable electric current crackling in between the short distance that separated you. A small smile pulled the corner of your lips into a smirk, eyes fluttering down as a blush burned your cheeks. His intense focus on you never wavered, causing insecurities to prickle in the back of your mind. 

Your eyes flickered back upwards as the high pitched groan of the final separation between you and Kylo opened. 

“Doc,” he murmured, the electricity now humming like a live wire. 

“Hi,” you whispered back, all strength you thought you possessed gone so swiftly, as if a breeze and picked it up and stole it from you. In any other circumstance, the crescendoing silence would be awkward, tense. But not with Kylo. He gave you a sense of security; calming you in a way you couldn’t verbalize. 

Coming to his senses, he stepped out of the way, wordlessly inviting you in. You made your way slowly into the foyer, warmth surrounding you, a sort of heat penetrating your bones. It made you shiver. 

“Oh, are you cold?” his voice asked from behind you, 

Before you could answer, he wrapped his large arms around you from behind, his head settling in the crook of your neck. You could only imagine how hunched he must be, his height staggering. You keened into his touch, suddenly feeling as if the world was freezing, as if your body was carved from ice. He was like a fire upon your chilled body, but you relished in the flames. His exhaled breath on your jaw was like a blistering heat you wished to trap yourself in. 

The pretense of conversation cleared the haze of your mind. You pulled yourself from his warmth, turning around to face him. Your right hand drifted up to cup his cheek, left resting on his pectoral.

Though your eyes spoke for you, you still said your intentions aloud, “Kylo, we really do need to talk about…” Your mind searched for words. 

He intercepted your thoughts. “About us, about everything I know.” His voice was still low, as it was earlier, but it held a new edge to it, an unease about it. 

He led you to his living room, furnished with a large leather sofa, much too big for a bachelor. His walls were nearly barren, but sun faded paint revealed the missing spaces on the walls. There was a large television engulfed by every gaming system you could name, plus some you couldn’t. Despite the lack of embellishments and it’s bachelor-pad air, the home felt established all the same. There was something about it that was comforting, like a well loved sweatshirt or a broken-in pair of shoes. Thoroughly worn in the best way. 

You sat first, the two of you engaged in a mindless spiel about your days, small talk preparing you for the inevitable. Once you’d both divulged all you could about your days after the rendezvous in the hospital, you once again found yourselves in a silence, more expectant than before. 

You opened your mouth to speak, but he beat you to the punch. “I am so sorry about what happened with Rey, I really truly am.” You swallowed, nervous, waiting nodding in acknowledgement. He continued, “When we were together, I was going through a lot. With my parents, with my career, with myself. It’s no excuse but I was really terrible to her. We broke up so many times, but I always managed to get her to take me back. I cheated, I-” he took a shaky breath, steading himself, “I was mean, and possessive, and I hurt her, badly. But, she helped me heal, she was there when I was getting myself back together. The worst part is though,” he paused, his eyes meeting yours, having been concentrated on his folded hands, “When she needed me, I left. She cheated, and I was so hypocritical I vanished from her life with no explanation.”

By the end, his voice was shaking, a vulnerable man lay bare in front of you. 

For what seemed like the millionth time that day, you were once again lost for words, staring blankly at a faded sun-spot on the wall, memorizing its structure. You couldn’t hold onto an emotion for more than a moment, they were swirling around in your mind like a whirlpool. The anger you held to Rey fizzled, though not completely gone. You understood her pain, why she’d want to hurt Kylo, the unresolved issues between them that obviously still haunt her. 

“Wow,” you breathed finally, brown eyes jerking up to your face once again. “You… you were a complete asshole to her.” You didn’t sound angry, because you weren’t. Instead, you felt sad. Sad for what he put her through, and she him. Sad for the pain that caused Kylo to be a massive , albeit self-destructive, prick. 

Perceiving this as a rejection, his shoulders slumped, but still he nodded. 

“But,” you said, finger gently tipping his chin to meet your face, “ _I believe_ you’ve changed.” His eyes lit up. 

“Please prove me right.” You held his hand, astonished by how objective you were being. 

“Although, for me to trust you again Kylo, _really_ trust you again, I need to know everything. I need the gory details.”

He was confused. 

“Tell me about _you_ , tell me about Ben Solo.”

Reluctantly, he told you about himself. 

He was born Ben Solo, son of Han and Leia. You reminded him you knew this, knew that they were Finn’s employers. They owned Millenium Construction, where his mother designed the buildings and his father built them. His grandfather was a boxer, apparently very well known in his field. You had to remind him that your expertise was medicine, _not_ half-naked men fighting each other. His family, while outwardly supportive, didn’t see boxing as a career, giving then Ben an ultimatum to quit boxing. His friends, especially Finn, his older training partner, now your roommate, pleaded with him to stay, but it was no use. It was clear what he would choose. 

Reluctantly, he did admit they were right that traditional boxing didn’t make much money unless it was the televised fights. That was when he found The First Order club, run by mafioso-wannabe Mr. Snoke, who Kylo eventually “persuaded” to leave. 

“But,” you interjected, “How’d you convince him to go?” You were entranced by his story, engrossed with learning all you could about him. 

“Don’t interrupt,” he chuckled, and settled back into his recounting. 

So though proving himself through his fights, Kylo became the premier boxer in the club, even earning the moniker “Supreme Leader”, which you found ridiculous. He eventually put together the Knights of Ren, fully becoming Kylo Ren, named after the club’s former head coach. Ben-now Kylo, continued to gain success in the more “underground” fights. “Less than legal and likely legal,” he joked. 

Eventually his story circled back to when he met you, and he finished. He seemed so scared, having said everything out loud, spilling his entire life story. But you saw a new light of Kylo, you saw a man who fought for what he believed in and what he wanted, even though misguided at times. You recognized a pained but passionate man who sat before you. His honesty was alluring. 

“Thank you for telling me.” You wrapped your smaller body around his large frame, the two of you descending on the couch in a quasi-tackle. You now had two knees planted on either side of his torso, warmth fluttering down to your core. 

Kylo seemed confused, but not unhappy with the position you both found yourselves in. He more than half expected you to leave as soon as he told you who he really was. Revealed himself to you. 

The fire he gave you returned once again, only now twice as consuming as before. Your entire body was aflame, the licks of heat spreading from your center outwards, twisting around your fingers. Everywhere the heat burned, a scarlet flush trailed in its path. 

You leaned down, face hovering above his, your breath mixing with his. He smelled so good, like leather and embers. You wanted to shroud yourself in him. 

The rational part of your mind reminded you that this was too fast, the two of you were not in a stable place but you were too far gone. Intoxicated by his presence. 

“Can, can I-” he stuttered, his breathing heavier, almost like pants. “Can I kiss you?” he asked, clearly still nervous you would say no. 

Even as you nodded in the affirmative, you still leaned further down, your torso flush with his, and pressed your lips to his, stunning him. 

You began to kiss him with a fervor, lips moving wildly against his own. Everywhere you touched him only intensified your burning. It was such a foreign feeling. You’d obviously felt excited before, eager to be with someone but never before had it felt so _carnal_ , like a primal need you had to fulfill. 

He responded in kind, his large palms roaming your back until they rested low in your hips, splayed out fingertips barely making contact with your ass but it drove you on further. 

You moaned into the kiss, pulling away for air. You despised air at that moment. You wanted _so_ very badly to give in to him fully. To allow him to take you in ways you’d never dreamed, to claim you. 

“Kylo, please,” you heard your voice say, no longer in control. You kissed down his neck all while grinding your pelvis into him. You’d realized the advantageous position you were in, and continued to use his strong hip bone to move in to. Anything to dull the fire. 

“Y/N,” he half-moaned. He tried to sit up, but you misinterpreted that as him wanting to undress, so you clawed at his hem. 

“Y/N,” he said firmer, untangling your hands from his hair. He moved you as if you weighed nothing off of him and pulled himself away from you. 

Immediately the rejection stung. You began to spiral, a string of embarrassed apologies tumble from your lips, getting jumbled up on the way out. 

He caught your hand as it messed with your nearly ruined bun, tangles catching your fingers long enough for him to hold your hand. You paused,l watching him expectantly, waiting for him to ask you to leave, to call you weird or shame you. 

Instead, he kissed the palm of your hand. 

It was such a minute but wholly intimate action. 

“Please know I want to,” he began, clearly wanting to quell your anxieties, “But I don’t want you to do something you’d regret. I want you to stay, Doc. I just don’t want to ruin what we’ve just begun to patch up in one fun night,” his voice lowered as he leaned into your ear, “No matter _how_ fun a night alone with you could be.” 

Still reeling in a sea of embarrassment and horniness, you ignored the ache in your core and nodded in agreement. 

Instead, you sat next to him, close enough to keep you warm but not enough to tempt you, and you talked. He claimed it was “his turn” to hear your life story, so he delved deep into your past. Asking about everything, favorite color, favorite movie, books you’ve read, places you’d seen. He asked why you wanted to be a doctor, his eyes bright but soft as you explained your desire to help those who are most in need. He then proceeded to quiz you about every bone in the body he could think of, weird medical facts, but eventually once again turned his focus back to your life. 

You spent the right of the night held close to Kylo’s chest, the future possibilities of what the two of you could become reigniting the previous crackling current in the air, zapping alive part of your hearts both though to be long buried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!  
> So so sorry for the late update, life has been so hectic! I have been in a kind of slump lately and just have not felt the urge to write, but I am so happy I am feeling better and was able to post this update for yall!  
> Also wow we're at 2200 reads?! Thats so crazy! Thank all of you who've been reading and for sticking with me as I figure out this whole fanfic thing!  
> Another fun update! I am working with Lunaxxx, who I'm sure many of you know from her AMAZING works, such as Fixated and These Violent Delights! I am currently narrating and voicing "Kitten" (Y/N) in her TVD audiobook on patreon! Here is the link if you want to check it out! https://www.patreon.com/lunaxxx  
> Thanks for reading!  
> B <3


	10. Chapter Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once you found his door, you sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm the intense thudding of your heart. As you raised your still shaky knuckle to the door, it swung open revealing a shirtless and grinning Kylo.

You returned to your apartment later than you expected, walking in the door well after three in the morning. You cringed as the hinges squeaked, penetrating the silence of the apartment. Your brow twitched when you saw the dim warm glow emanating from the living room, casting a small light across the whole of the apartment. 

Finn was situated on the couch, curled up into the far corner, dozed off on his perched arm. The creak of the door alerted him to your presence, his eyes shooting open. He blinked around the room disoriented by the sudden startle. 

You continued inside, setting your purse and keys down on the kitchen counter. You expected Finn to go to his room but he didn’t. He continued to stare at you, dark eyes holding unanswered questions. 

“Where were you?” 

Confusion flickered across your face. He never made a habit of asking where you’d been. “I was at a friend’s house. Why?” You felt a smidge of guilt for being evasive, but he would only be upset if he knew. 

“Ah… Which friend?”

 _Shit_. He caught you. 

“Um,” you swallowed thickly, “Kylo’s house.” You suddenly found the grains in the wood floor very interesting. 

Finn’s eyes narrowed, a stern glare burning into your forehead. You could swear you heard the grind of his teeth from across the room. “Why?”

You rubbed the back of your neck, blinking dumbly. “He, uh, visited me at work because I’d been avoiding him, and then we met at his house to talk about stuff. About us.” You trailed off towards the end, feeling insecure under Finn’s intense gaze. 

He took long strides to meet you where you stood rooted by the kitchen counter, his face so much closer to yours, his breath flared across your forehead. 

You had to look up to meet his eyes again, the once friendly brown darkened with anger. “Please,” he pleaded, grabbing your arm, “ _Please_ tell me you ended it with him. Once and for all.”

You couldn’t answer his question, just looking away and shaking your head _‘no’_ ever so softly. His grip tightened as he understood what you meant, squeezing you to the point of pain. 

You grimaced, pulling his hand off of your arm. “He explained it all to me Finn, and he’s not as bad as you made him seem.” You felt defensive of Kylo in a way you could yet to describe. 

“Don’t be stupid, Y/N.”

You grit your teeth. “No, I’m not.” You stepped away from him, angry now. “He told me everything. Yeah he made some mistakes, some _bad_ mistakes but he's trying to be better. He deserves a second chance.” You stared him down, keeping your face firm. Your eyes narrowed some, trying to keep your expressions rigid. 

“You don’t know who you’re messing with!” 

“ _God_ Finn! I’m a fucking adult. Who I am or am not spending time with is none of your concern. I am perfectly capable of making those decisions myself!” With that, you stormed off, shoulders shoving past his body. You rushed into your room, slamming the door behind. 

* * *

The days following your fight with Finn were awkward but mundane nonetheless. The two of you avoided each other, keeping a large distance. 

You made a point to stay in contact with Kylo, calling and texting frequently. He hadn’t been able to meet again in person, he’d said something about preparing for an upcoming fight. He'd been training non-stop. You tried not to stress _too_ much about it though, reminding yourself that neuroticism could be a death sentence for any budding relationship. 

To compensate for the distance however, you’d made plans to meet for dinner and board games at his house on Saturday evening. 

Friday morning on your way to work you received a text from him. 

> **Kylo 7:43 AM:** Doc I’m so sorry but I’m gonna have to reschedule this weekend… The match had to be moved. I’ll be in New York. Sorry.

After reading his text, you shoved away the frustrations, wished him luck, and continued on with your day. A grey cloud of annoyance hung over your head regardless. Despite the developments you’d made with Kylo, you still felt like there was something missing. You couldn’t place it. 

At lunch with Simon and Margot, you discussed Margot’s daughter’s baby-shower for the following week, Si’s upcoming Tinder date, but when the attention fell on you, words seemed to escape your thoughts. 

“I don’t know guys, it… it just feels kind of _empty_ you know?”

Margot nodded thoughtfully, “Well dear, do you know him well enough? Is there a lack of communication?”

You shook your head. “No, it’s not that I don’t think. The other night when we talked about ‘us’ at his house, I got to know quite a bit about him. It's just…” You sighed and slumped your shoulders, “I don’t know.”

“Listen, girl, it’s simple.” 

You looked up to meet Simon’s eyes, confused but intrigued. 

“Have you fucked yet?” He asked, his eyebrows raised as if to say _‘duh’_.

A warm flush bloomed on your cheeks. You couldn’t make eye contact when you responded, “No, not yet.”

Simon clapped the surface of the lunch table, “Then there’s your answer, Y/N. You need to screw his brains out.”

* * *

After work, dreading spending your Friday night alone, you decided to face-time Kylo, missing seeing his face. 

“Hey Doc!” He said excitedly when he answered, a goofy grin taking over his face. 

“Hi,” you giggled back, feeling like a schoolgirl with a crush. 

“How are you babe, how was work?” He asked, and so you both filled each other in on your respective days. 

“Ky, would... I mean if I came to-” You scrunched together your brows, a mixture of embarrassment and shyness clouding your ability to create full sentences. 

He chuckled, his crooked grin widening, “Spit it out, baby.”

You groaned, throwing your head in your hands. “Can I come see you fight this weekend?” You mumbled into your palms.

“What?” He teased, wanting to hear you say it further. He enjoys making you blush immensely. 

You rolled your eyes. 

“Can I come see your fight tomorrow?” You asked, the words so rushed they ran together. 

His eyes lit up. “Really? You’d come all the way up here to see me?” 

You smiled shyly and just nodded your head in affirmation. You were scheming in your mind, planning this weekend, and desperately trying to hide your deepening blush. 

* * *

When you left the following morning, you thanked your lucky stars Finn didn’t bother to ask where you were going. You couldn’t bear another fight when he learned you were going to visit Kylo. 

Reaching your car, you threw your overnight bag into the passenger seat, trying not to dwell too much on the mound of lace you hid in there for your night together. You’d bought the lingerie some years ago on a whim, a sale probably. You’d never had a reason to wear it before, until now. 

It wasn’t as if you were a virgin, but you were also certainly not the most _experienced_ person, medical school and social anxiety eliminating most relationship prospects, and you weren’t much one for casual hookups. Your inexperience only added to your anxiety, but you tried to think of anything else to distract you on your drive. 

You eventually settled on naming on the bones in the body in alphabetical order. 

The 90 minute drive to New York City was uneventful, the only difficulty was trying to find Kylo’s hotel. After parking in the visitor’s parking, you anxiously made your way inside. The hotel was simple, understated. It resembled the dozens of chain lobbies you’d seen previously. You fidgeted with your fingers the whole ride up to the fifteenth floor. 

Once you found his door, you sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm the intense thudding of your heart. As you raised your still shaky knuckle to the door, it swung open revealing a shirtless and grinning Kylo. 

You beamed back at him, his joy contagious. “Hi Kylo,” you said, as you stepped closer, wrapping your arms around his warm torso. You inhaled the scent of him, musky but delicious; like leather and tobacco. 

He hugged you back, pulling your smaller body infinitely closer, while simultaneously pulling you inside his room, and shutting the door behind. 

Once fully in the threshold of his room, your bag slipped off your shoulder, landing on the carpeted floor with a muted _thud._

Not yet having found the nerve to tell Kylo why you were _really_ in New York, the lacy lingerie seemingly screaming at you from within the confines of your canvas bag, you sat on the bed and stalled. You cough up with him, asked about training, the fight, which of the knights had come up as well. Anything to keep your mind off of his naked torso in front of you. 

The hours ticked by and you finally grew annoyed with your own apprehension and your anticipation of being with Kylo building, you decided to bite the bullet. 

“Oh! Ky, I have a surprise for you.” You said coyly, looking up at him from below your lashes. 

He was intrigued. “Oh?”

“Just let me run to the bathroom and then I’ll show you, okay?” You were trying to keep your tone casual, free of either innuendos or anxiety, hoping to keep the surprise intact. 

Walking into the en suite you casually scooped up your bag, and hurried inside. 

You glared at your reflection for a moment, trying to once again find your nerve. 

“Don’t be a coward,” you said to yourself in the mirror. “Don’t be a coward.”

With a deep breath, you stripped out of your clothes and slipped on the lacy set, your body so scantily covered you could see the shape of your nipples clearly through the fabric. 

Your hand shook on the handle to the door, a small voice ion your head begging you to abandon this plan, but you quickly silenced it with the thoughts of Kylo’s lips, and broad shoulders, and large hands, and strong arms… Your mind wandered further and you finally opened the door. 

“Kylo?” You called, still hidden from his view.

“Yeah?”

“I have your surprise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy!  
> Thank you guys for reading!! I am sorry for the teaser of an ending but I wanted more time and space to dedicate to Doc and Kylo FINNALLYYY having some sexy times ;) So next chapter will be a big one in a lot of ways! Be ready :)
> 
> Also for updates on Knockout and my other writings, follow me on Insta and tiktok!  
> Ig: momjeansenthusiast  
> Tiktok: momjeansenthusiastwrites  
> https://www.patreon.com/lunaxxx (where i voice Kitten in the TVD audiobook!)
> 
> 'till next time lovelies!  
> <3  
> B

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for reading! This is my first fic ever so please be patient as I figure out everything! Posting this is scary buttttt I'm so bored in quarantine, so why the hell not!


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